General advice for victims

When victims of stalking seek assistance, they usually ask the following questions:

Am I in danger?
Will it continue?
If it has stopped, will it start again?
Will I ever get over this?
What do I need to do to stop it?

This website contains some basic information and advice to answer these questions. More information is available in the book ‘Surviving Stalking’ by Michele Pathé (Cambridge University Press, 2002).

Although there is no “one size fits all” list of recommendations that will be applicable to all stalking situations, there are four Golden Rules that should be followed if you find yourself the victim of stalking:

Have NO contact with the stalker
Tell others
Increase personal protection
Collect evidence

1. Have No Contact with the Stalker

After the stalker has been told by the victim in a calm, clear and firm manner that their attention is unwanted and that they are to stop all contact, the victim, their family and friends should have no further contact with the stalker. Stalkers want a reaction whether it’s positive or negative. It is crucial to ensure that:

Everyone involved understands the importance of not appealing to the stalker to stop, threatening them or retaliating to provocation
The police should be the only ones to confront the stalker
If contact is necessary due to the shared custody of children, arrange for a professional organization or police station to be the handover point. The victim should never meet the stalker alone or at their home
If there is accidental contact with the stalker, the victim should try not to show any emotion and leave the situation as soon as possible. Seek refuge in the closest shop or business and call the police emergency number if the stalker tries to approach.

2. Tell Others

Although many stalking victims are reluctant to inform others of what they are going through, it is important that those around the victim know what is happening. This includes family, friends, co-habitants, work colleagues and even neighbors. By explaining the situation the victim can:

Reduce the possibility of others inadvertently providing information to the stalker or access to the victim
Alerts them to the significance of any events they witness
Helps to provide stronger evidence should the case go to court
Obtain the necessary support to get through the ordeal

What to tell others

Give clear instructions not to initiate any contact with the stalker and tell them what to do should the stalker make contact with them; e.g. avoid any aggressive or hostile interactions and not provide any information.
Describe the stalker or give them a picture.
Provide the make, model and license number of the stalker’s vehicle(s), if known.
If they can, get them to photograph the stalker without the stalker knowing and tell them to contact the police.
Children should be told not collect the mail or answer the phone

3. Increase Personal Protection

Change daily routines e.g. the route or times going work, gym or other frequently attended locations
Know the location of the closest police station and those along the routes frequently travelled
Keep a list of critical telephone numbers including emergency services and other supports next to your home telephone and have them on speed dial on your mobile/cell phone.
Have an unlisted telephone number and be discerning who that is given to. Have caller ID on your phone and screen all calls from unknown numbers by using an answering machine or service.
Ensure that telephone calls and visitors are screened at work
Avoid walking alone at night or in quiet remote areas
Have an escort to your car when leaving work
Get a personal duress alarm
Consider whether self-defence training would be useful
Let people know where you are going and how long you will be
Join an auto club so that you can call for assistance if you find you have a flat tire/s or your car has been tampered with
Check your car before getting in. Regularly check for tracking devices and turn off the GPS on all mobile/cell phones
Inform schools or day care centres that your children attend of the situation
Always carry a mobile telephone so you can call for assistance, including when you are at home
Develop a safety plan that includes how to exit your home quickly and arranging a safe place to go
As a last option, you may have to consider moving to a new location. If you choose to do this, ensure that you take measures to ensure that your are not traceable.

Improve Home Security

Change locks – install deadlocks, window and manhole locks
Install sensor lights that are beyond easy reach
Keep torches in easy to access places around the home
Install fire alarms and ensure that they are always in working order and have battery back-up and have all purpose fire extinguishers available
Have peephole in the doors
Remove hiding places (trim bushes)
Don’t leave ladders or other means of climbing around the house
Lock your power box
Get a post office box or at least have a lock on the letterbox
Get a dog
Protect pets
Get a home security check. Many police stations offer this service

Protect Personal Information

Only give personal details to those you trust
Get a post office box or at least have a lock on the letterbox
Shred all paperwork before throwing it out
Consider having property owned by a trust fund
Don’t give out personal information online
Close accounts such as Facebook, Bebo, Myspace, including children’s accounts
Don’t show your name at the entrance to your residence
Don’t have personalised number plates on your car
Remove details from the electoral role if applicable
Don’t use your home address for anything related to business
Be careful what you say on cordless telephones as conversations can be monitored by scanner. Baby monitors can also transmit conversations in the home.
Ensure your computer has a strict firewall and is well protected against viruses

4. Collect Evidence

Proof is crucial in preparing a case against the stalker and it cannot be overestimated how important it is to keep all evidence and document your encounters and experience. The following are some ways in which to collect evidence:

Compile a journal that is a chronological summary of events from that first day through to the present. Keep it brief and include everything you can remember, even if it seems trivial, and record dates, times, and witnesses to the encounters. Include telephone calls, items left or sent and any encounters with the stalker. You may start to see a set pattern develop. Don’t ever lie about or minimise your involvement with the stalker. If the stalker is prosecuted and it is discovered that you did not tell the truth, it will damage your case as they will suspect that everything else you say is untrue.
Organise paperwork in a filing system e.g. Police reports, hard copies of e-mails telephone records or by date.
Keep originals in a safe place and a copy of everything in another location. Scan any paperwork, pictures etc and send an e-mail copy to an e-mail account specifically set up for this purpose and send a copy to a friend. Keep the copy up-to-date.
Don’t scribble on original documents, add notes.
Save everything. Keep e-mails on the computer and in hard copy.
Keep a log of expenses and receipts as they may later be important in regards to any claims for compensation.
Keep a small camera or use a mobile phone to take pictures of any items in the location in which they are found. This is also important for perishable items such as flowers or damage to property. If there is a time/date facility on the camera use that. If photographing the stalker, use extreme caution, try not to be obvious and under no circumstances compromise safety.
If items are delivered, contact the delivery service to determine who placed the order, when, and how it was paid for (cash or credit card). Try to obtain a description of the person who placed the order.
Handle all evidence carefully so as not to smudge fingerprints. Either hold items by the corner or use tweezers. Keep the item in separate plastic bag.

Telephone messages

Keep the tapes from answering machines or, if your machine is digital, keep a second recording of the message elsewhere.
Have someone else listen to any messages
Try to record the message so can be stored in another format.
Keep text messages on the phone, download to computer and show others
Have a generic message on all phones or have a same gender friend record your voicemail message to discourage the stalker from calling you to hear your voice

Reporting the stalking to police

Go with someone else if possible
Present evidence in a collated organized fashion
Know the anti-stalking legislation applicable to your jurisdiction (see our list of international anti-stalking legislation)
Include copies of previous court orders related to the stalking situation
Keep a copy of all material presented to police
Record where, when, and to whom the report was made
Ask for a copy of the report or obtain the report number (quote with future contact)
Ask if you can have one or two officers allocated to the case so you don’t have to keep repeating your story
Ask to be kept informed of any contact the police have with the stalker so that you can be prepared for the possibility of retaliatory acts. This includes the issuing of warnings, the serving of protection orders or laying of charges
Consider whether you want to apply for a protection order (see our page on protection orders)
Ensure that all breaches of protection orders are recorded and reported to police immediately
If you have relocated, ensure that your new details are not inadvertently provided to the stalker in legal paperwork
If the complaint is not taken seriously or breaches of protection orders are not acted on, request to speak to a senior officer. If the outcome is still unsatisfactory, lodge a formal complaint. However, remember that unless there is sufficient evidence that a crime has been committed, there is often little that the police can do

Mistakes Victims Make

Providing too much information about themselves to people they don’t know
Not giving a clear calm message that they are not interested in a relationship
Not listening to their intuition.
Ignoring the early warning signs
Not taking the situation seriously
Responding to a stalker in any way, shape, or form
Trying to reason or bargain with a stalker
Blaming themselves
Not taking adequate privacy and safety precautions
Seeking a restraining or protective order without thinking of the potential consequences.
Failing to obtain support from others either personally or professionally, including family, friends, work colleagues and police
Expecting police to solve the problem and not taking responsibility their own safety
Obtaining a weapon that can be used against them
Ignoring their emotional needs during and after a stalking